WARNING…this post is real and raw. But I feel compelled to share, as it’s a large part of my story. Proceed to read with caution.😁
I remember the picture on the left like it was yesterday. (The picture of me on the right, is today.)
It was about a week and half after my accident, after I was released from the ICU. I was 16. A week and a half prior, I’d be thrown out of a boat in a freak accident, and hit by the propeller. It happened late at night, and the only reason I am alive is because there were people having a bon fire on shore. When the boat hit me, they heard it. One of them, was a retired fireman. They came out and dragged our boat to shore, wrapped me in a blanket, wedged me in the back of their boat and drove me to the marina to await an ambulance.
I remember when I was put in the ambulance; I looked down at my mangled body. I was in shock, so it didn’t really sink in, what I saw. They were cutting my sweatshirt off, my pants had been removed and tangled in the motor. Blood everywhere. I remember looking at the paramedic and saying, “ will I ever be able to have babies?”☺
It took an hour and a half to get me to the first hospital in Peterborough, Canada. Once I was there, they told my mother, they didn’t have doctors specialized enough to put my body back together. I was unconscious due to blood loss, by then. I was air flighted to Toronto, to St. Michael’s trauma center. After a 6 hour surgery, and multiple blood transfusions, I was put in ICU. The fact I was even alive, was a miracle.✨
It was that week, that I had 6 doctors surround my bedside and tell me, I may never walk again, and if I did, I would never be an athlete again and I would have a limp. It crushed me, as I’d be an avid athlete my whole live. Those doctors, underestimated the power of human will.
They told me, I may never be able to have children, because I didn’t have the bone structure to support a pregnancy. They told me, they put my body together the best they can after the immense trauma I had gone through.
I didn’t really understand what had happen to me yet, as I was so medicated. I just knew that a large part of my pelvis had been severed, I was missing a lot of muscle, my intestines had been sewn back in in a mesh bag, and I had 384 staples holding my body together, and a huge hematoma from all the swelling. I knew I would forever have scars and my body would never be the same.
Over the next two weeks, I learned how to walk again. With every painful step, I developed my fighting character. I developed my “focus on what you CAN do” attitude.
I flew home to FL a week later. I had made so much progress, and all of a sudden, I felt like my body was on fire from the inside out. I couldn’t move. A bone infection set in, that almost killed me again. My mom took me to a wound specialist, and I was rushed into emergency surgery, in which they left my body with an open wound for 4 months, the jagged remains of my pelvis to be seen, until my body healed and grew together from the inside out.
While everyone else was doing fun senior year activities, I was in a wheel chair, heavily medicated, and going to daily water therapy. I struggled daily with comparison, self confidence, self worth. I struggled with wondering "WHY ME", which I quickly learned, got me no where, and didnt change a damn thing.
It started a snowball of surgeries, 12 total. Bone removal. Nerve testing. Injections. Failed attempts to reconstruct my body. Medication on top of medication. 9 blood transfusions.
Here I am 13 years later…I may struggle, but I will NEVER quit. Somewhere along the way, I totally lost myself...and when I found Beachbody, it gave me the opportunity to REINVENT my reality. I’d quit and failed so many times, that I'd lost count, and I wanted to see what happened, if I didn’t. I’m thankful to have found a healthy lifestyle that works for me, because I have come farther than I ever could have imagined, and I will NEVER go back. I have surpassed what doctors ever thought I would be capable of, for all the programs I have completed are things I would told I could never do (I am by no means a fitness freak or training for anything other than LIFE). And, I have had a beautiful little boy, which is a huge miracle in itself.
You see…everyday, I fight a battle, that no one else can see. Chronic pain is a silent struggle. PTSD is a silent struggle. Anxiety and depression that plagued me for years, is a silent struggle. Struggles with self worth, are silent as well. And I chose to bring light to them.
Last night, as I laid in bed and felt immense pain that I’ve had the past 9 days. I cried. I have come so far, and my heart desire’s to continue to forge forward. I have shared before, but the day I got pregnant with Declan, I vowed to never go back to numbing myself with medication....and it's been over 3 years...MEDICATION FREE. So, I know it’s ok to be frustrated sometimes, as long as I shift and use it as fuel to continue to carry on and do the best I can.
So when I woke up this morning, I pulled out pictures to remind myself where I started. To remind myself, no matter what I feel in the moment, I’m thankful to be alive and come as far as I have. To remind myself, why my heart is so focused on helping others, because it fulfills me in a huge way and gives me purpose, especially when I cannot help myself.
I’m thankful for the fighting spirit is has given me. I’m thankful for the empathy it’s taught me in all aspect of life, to be kind, because you never know the battles others face. It’s taught me, to NEVER take my health for granted. It’s taught me, our best character is built in times of adversity. It has helped me prove to myself, that you can fight for what you truly want, no matter the obstacle.
I think it’s a beautiful thing, and a major shift in life, when you can see struggles and obstacles, with gratitude. When you can see them, as stepping-stones and lessons, of perservance and capability. And that, is what I will continue to show is possible.
So whatever battle you face in your life, whatever obstacles you face, know that is was given to you to live, for a reason MUCH greater than yourself. It was given to you, to help you find your inner fighter. It’s been given to you, because you CAN overcome it. It has been given to you, to help you figure out what your purpose is and what you are capable of, in this one wild journey of life we are on.❤
